Why Relationships with Narcissists are Difficult and Dangerous

Is your partner a narcissist? What should you do if you are involved with one?

If you are in a relationship and feel that your partner is always holding power over you, you may be in one with a narcissist, and it may be not only difficult but also dangerous. Who are narcissists? What are the differences between healthy narcissism and unhealthy one? Why are relationships with narcissists difficult – and maybe, dangerous? What should you do if you are involved with a narcissist? I will explain each in brief below. Please refer to the sources at the bottom of this article for more information.

Who Are Healthy Narcissists and Unhealthy Narcissists?

Narcissism focuses on one’s self, so anybody who is interested in getting his or her needs met can be a narcissist, but there are healthy narcissists and unhealthy narcissists. How is each defined? In summary, healthy narcissism and unhealthy narcissism are:

What healthy narcissism is:

• ‘Self-caring (we care for our healthy wants and needs in our own way and in our own time)’
• It doesn’t hurt others.
• It requires healthy boundaries.
• It helps get what we want and need without invading others’ boundaries.

What unhealthy narcissism is:

• It is focusing on self to the detriment of others.
• It makes the person act ‘selfishly’
• It makes the person frequently invade others.’ boundaries.

Whitfield states “Unless they work long and hard through an appropriate full recovery program, it is highly unlikely that they will change and become healthily self-caring. And so, it is difficult, if not impossible, ever to have a healthy and fulfilling relationship with them.”

Why Relationships with Narcissists Are Difficult and Dangerous

Psychology expert Cooper Lawrence says, "It's really hard to be in a relationship with a narcissist. You have to have no sense of self whatsoever. And usually that's what narcissists prey on - people who will worship them the way they want to be worshiped.”

Their constant thirst for external approval drives them to look out to be No. 11. They seek to be the center of attention

• Approval and praise reinforces their grandiosity
• They dominate the conversation
• They are ‘on-stage’
• They exaggerate their significance

And so,

2. They lack empathy for others

• They are focused exclusively on themselves

3. Criticism or disapproval takes them back to their difficult childhood, sending them into a defensive fury

• Unhealthy narcissism is a manifestation of the deprivation they experienced as young children. They are likely to have been deprived of approval and affirmation in their childhood. They will need a long healing process to ‘move on’ from their childhood and become a healthy narcissist.

4. Appearance matters more than substance

• Power, wealth and beauty reinforce their fragmented self-image.
• Being superior to others takes priority

In order to be in a relationship with a narcissist, you need to put yourself aside and last, denying your own needs to meet his or hers. This damages your self-image and self-esteem, which is why it is difficult and dangerous.